He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
