Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
