It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
