Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
