On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
