my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
