he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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