Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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