just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
