Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
