and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
