Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
