I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
