my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
