things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize