No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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