turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So apparently I’m into choking now
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
