is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
