I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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