I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
