Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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