i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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