The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
