I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
