Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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