fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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