is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
