I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Houston, we have a blender
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
