Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
