There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
