I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
