I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
