I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
