can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
