Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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