I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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