If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
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We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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