Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
