I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
