Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
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Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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