Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize