I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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