okay pat passed out under dana's car
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
