puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
