she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
