then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
