Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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