So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
