Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
