walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
