I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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