He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
