Your face is a jimmy john
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize