Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
