I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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