if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize