You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
