Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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