conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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