I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
