I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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