Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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