god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
