Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
