I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
