I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
