My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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