So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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