um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
