I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
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Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
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My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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